Back to School: How to Support the Anxiety No One Talks About
Content Notice: This article mentions anxiety, academic pressure, and briefly addresses school safety and warning signs of suicide risk. If you or your child are experiencing a crisis, you will find 24/7 support lines at the end of the article.
Going back to school is no longer just about academic performance.
Today, our children worry about fitting in, social media, their physical safety, and how to manage all of these pressures at the same time.
Many parents in Massachusetts will recognize this scene immediately.
It is no coincidence that this time of year can bring so much anxiety.
Many students return to a new school year without the social tools they once took for granted.
This is especially true in a context where constant comparison on social media and the pressure to perform academically and socially weigh more than ever.
Understanding this is not a reason for alarm. It is the first step toward providing better support.
When we understand what is really happening, we can respond with the right tools instead of simply waiting for it to pass.
What the Numbers Say
This is not an isolated perception.
According to the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS), the most recent nationally representative study:
- 39.7% of U.S. high school students reported persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness during the previous year.
- 28.5% described their mental health as poor during the month before the survey.
- 20.4% seriously considered attempting suicide.
- 77% use social media several times a day or more — and frequent use is associated with a higher risk of bullying, persistent sadness, and suicidal thoughts, according to the same study.
- 9% of students reported being threatened or injured with a weapon at school during the previous year.
At the local level, Boston Public Schools had already recorded a 9% increase in feelings of sadness or hopelessness among high school students in 2021.
This represents nearly twice the national increase during the same period.
Boston Public Schools is the only Massachusetts school district that administers this survey consistently.
There is not yet a more recent, comparable statewide figure for Massachusetts, but the local trend is moving in the same direction as the national trend.
These numbers are not meant to alarm families, but rather to confirm something many parents may already sense at home.
If your son or daughter comes home from school quieter, more irritable, or less willing to talk, they are not exaggerating and they are not alone.
It is part of a pattern that schools, pediatricians, and organizations such as NAMI are seeing across the country.
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) is the largest grassroots nonprofit organization in the United States dedicated to mental health, with local affiliates across the country.
Through helplines, free support groups, and educational guides, NAMI supports both people living with mental health conditions and their families.
NAMI is also the source behind several of the resources we share in this article.
The Invisible Weight of Every September
Many students return to the classroom without having had real time to process an entire summer of social changes, and it shows.
Getting back into routines can be difficult. Reconnecting with classmates can be difficult. Asking for help without feeling that it makes them look weak can be difficult.
On top of this comes a layer of constant pressure that did not weigh as heavily in the past: constant comparison on social media.
It is not just the math test that causes anxiety. It is seeing on a phone, minute by minute, how everyone else seems to be doing.
This is exposure that does not turn off when the school day ends.
Talking About What Is Scary Without Minimizing It
There is a topic many families avoid because it is uncomfortable: the anxiety students may feel about school safety.
The goal is not to create more fear, but to avoid pretending that fear does not exist.
When a son or daughter says they are worried about something related to school safety, the most helpful response is not to change the subject. It is to listen, validate the feeling, and, if necessary, seek professional support together as a family.
Three Things Families Can Do This Week
Make real time for conversation.
The Massachusetts Department of Public Health recommends something simple: putting an encouraging message in a child’s backpack.
Or setting aside a few minutes each day — not necessarily a long conversation — to ask how their day went without rushing their response.
Consistency matters more than duration.
Prioritize sleep before any other routine.
Returning to a consistent sleep schedule is, according to recommendations from both NAMI and the Massachusetts DPH, one of the simplest and most effective ways to address school-related anxiety.
Before adjusting homework or extracurricular activities, consider adjusting bedtime.
Identify a trusted adult — and make sure the young person knows who that person is.
NAMI offers a downloadable guide, available in Spanish, called “How to Find a Trusted Adult,” designed to help students identify someone they can turn to when things become overwhelming.
It could be a family member, teacher, school counselor, or coach. It does not always have to be Mom or Dad, and that is okay.
For Families
Before seeking professional help, there are warning signs that any parent or caregiver can learn to recognize at home.
According to NAMI, it is important to pay attention when a son or daughter:
- Becomes increasingly socially isolated, even from friends they previously spent time with.
- Misses school for several days without a clear medical reason.
- Experiences a sudden decline in academic performance after previously maintaining it well.
- Expresses, in any way, an interest in hurting themselves — this requires immediate attention, not a conversation for “later.”
When it comes to bullying, the signs are not always obvious.
It could be a damaged backpack or clothing without an explanation, avoiding certain areas or routes within the school, or frequent headaches or stomachaches without a medical cause.
Or simply a change in mood that coincides with the school schedule.
NAMI recommends not waiting until you have “proof” to start the conversation.
Something as simple as, “I’ve noticed you’ve been different lately. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” can be enough.
When it comes to healthy boundaries, the central idea is that a young person who learns to say no to an extra activity, plans with friends, or a demand that feels overwhelming is not being antisocial. They are protecting their energy.
This is especially relevant during the first weeks of school, when the temptation to sign up for everything — sports, clubs, tutoring — is high and exhaustion can arrive quickly.
Regarding social media, instead of imposing time limits without explanation, NAMI suggests that young people ask themselves how they feel before, during, and after using their phones.
That reflection can be more effective than an externally imposed prohibition because it builds awareness rather than simply creating resistance.
For more serious situations, have a crisis plan prepared in advance.
Information such as which professional to call, which hospital to go to, and what medication the young person takes, if applicable, can prevent valuable minutes from being lost searching for that information during an emergency.
The plan should be created during a calm moment, not when it is already needed.
For students themselves, identifying in advance who their trusted adult would be can make asking for help much less intimidating when they actually need it.
It does not necessarily have to be a parent. It could be an uncle or aunt, coach, or school counselor.
Complete guides: Bullying Signs · Healthy Boundaries · Social Media · Crisis Plan · Trusted Adult
For Schools and Educators
Educators are often the first to notice warning signs simply because they spend more hours each day with students than almost any other adult outside the home.
NAMI addresses this role from several practical angles:
Model the conversation, rather than simply allowing it.
NAMI recommends that teachers themselves share how they feel about returning to school and how they manage those feelings. When an adult normalizes talking about their own emotions, students are much more likely to do the same.
A simple framework for talking about mental health without being a therapist:
Genuine curiosity, concrete responses rather than vague ones, and sustained compassion. No clinical training is required to apply these principles in the classroom.
Trauma-informed practices from the first day:
Help make the classroom environment feel predictable and safe, especially for students who experienced difficult situations during the summer or in previous years.
Support during school safety drills:
Drills should be accompanied by a conversation beforehand — explaining what will happen and why — as well as space to process the experience afterward.
Without this support, a drill can create more anxiety than it is intended to prevent.
Educator burnout matters, too.
Maintaining this role comes at a cost, and educators are encouraged to prioritize their own rest, exercise, and relaxation techniques.
This is not a luxury. It is a condition that can help them continue supporting their students throughout the school year.
For schools that want to go beyond individual resources, NAMI also offers FLARE, a mental health literacy curriculum with 23 complete lesson plans for middle school students.
Complete guides: Classroom Mental Health Contract · The Three Cs for Educators · Three Keys for Transition · Active Shooter Drill · Compassion Fatigue · FLARE by NAMI
Resources
In Massachusetts, families also have access to:
- NAMI Massachusetts
The state chapter of NAMI offers free support groups, educational programs for families, and an information and referral line (not a crisis line): 617-704-6264, Monday through Friday, 10 a.m.–6 p.m., with service in English and Spanish. namimass.org
- NAMI HelpLine in Spanish
For families who prefer to speak in their own language.
- 988, the mental health crisis line available 24/7 by phone call or text.
- Massachusetts Behavioral Health Help Line:
833-773-2445, confidential 24/7 support available in Spanish.
- Samaritans:
1-877-870-4673, a helpline for people experiencing suicidal thoughts.
- MassSupport:
888-215-4920, emotional support following stressful or traumatic events.
- Ferreras Counseling Center
Visit www.myhealthfair.com for specialized support for Latino families.
- Health Care For All
1-800-272-4232, assistance accessing mental health services through MassHealth.
Today’s Students Want to Talk About Mental Health
You do not need to have all the answers to start the conversation. Sometimes it is enough to ask, “How are you really doing?” and patiently wait for the answer.
If you want to learn more about early warning signs and practical day-to-day guidance — how to notice behavioral changes, how to talk without creating fear, and when to seek professional help — we also invite you to read our related article: Back to School with Emotional Balance: Supporting Our Children Every Step of the Way
Sources:
